I feel like…I haven’t been on a date in quite some time. The fact that I can’t exactly remember when it was tells me that it’s been an extremely long time. That’s sad. Let me think. I vaguely recall escorting a young lady to see the Spongebob Squarepants movie when it came out, umm, last year was it?
Umm, a 2nd reading of that first paragraph tells me that I need to clarify that statement. I went out with a woman of legal age to see the Spongebob Squarepants movie. I don’t want to be facing confirmation hearings somewhere down the line and wind up in the Spanish Inquisition:
Senator: Isn’t it true that you like young women?
Me: Of course not.
Senator: Is it or is it not a fact that you went to the theaters to see Spongebob Squarepants movie?
Me: I can explain that…
Senator: Did you or did you not?
Me: Sigh. I did.
Senator: Did you go alone?
Me: I did not. But.
Senator: SO YOU DID GO WITH AN UNDERAGE GIRL? YOU ARE A PERVERT!
Me: NOOOO!
Senator: Take this nasty nigga away.
Yeah it just wouldn’t go too well.
Anyway, my lack of a social life makes me wonder. I’m reasonably attractive, fairly charming, slightly awkward but still, overall I’m kewl. See how I spelled that? That means I’m really cool. It’s just that it’s an understated sense of cool. Doesn’t necessarily stand out in the midst of a crowd.
So why don’t I date? I dunno. I do stay busy. I mean, I’m at the tail end of a 50 hour work week right now, and I have finals coming up in less than 72 hours. And yet, I feel like there are people with similar schedules. What is it that people do anyway? I can’t dance, so no…..no clubs. Unless it’s Lulu’s. But then, I only go there for the drinks, and I can get drunk in my room. Probably not as cheaply though.
Movies? It’s become cliché as a date. And besides, I have the urge to go see a movie at random times on random days. I never plan ahead. And I don’t know anyone who clicks with that kind of schedule. Besides, some of the random movies I’ve picked have made me cry, and no, crying is not what women want to see on a first date. Or any date. No matter what Cosmo and Elle would have you believe.
Umm, hockey games? That could work. Especially now that, uh, there is again a hockey season. Didn’t work too well when there were no hockey games. Now, perhaps. But who would “I” take to a hockey game? Contrary to popular opinion, Ray does not run a brothel. He doesn’t even run a 7-11. He runs Carver Hall, an all male dormitory. This means that the list of available Date-A-Mates grows smaller by the moment. Maybe it’s because I’m boring. I put myself to sleep to be honest. I have about the least interesting life that I know of. Besides, black women by and large are not sitting by their phones waiting for an invite to a hockey game, or dreaming about the practical effects of the NHL rule changes on the pace of the game. Women besides black women? I don’t even know any anymore. Damn sheltered environment.
What did I learn earlier today, reading Esquire? “Sexy beats cute. Smart trumps sexy. Funny takes the cake.” Where the eff does that leave me? I know where. Cake-less. Having no cake. 2nd year law student and I can’t even find a dinner companion. Back to the books.
9 comments:
A little free verse...
Aviator, Skeleton Key, Chili's, Chevy's, "my homeboy's restaurant". Oh the places you'll go. That Dr. Seuss was way ahead of his time.
p.s. Who are you kidding? ;-)
And hockey sounds cool, but I feel like you knew I felt that way.
as i have mentioned in other contexts, i enjoy seeing the way you think thru the way you write. football's better than hockey. dinner is a good date, as are museumes and such (though VERY corny) because it gives you a chance to talk. you could find a date if you wanted one. females loooove to be asked out. don't test this theory on me.
You're right. No woman wants to see you cry on the first date. What is this alleged LuLu's where you can get liquored up cheaper than in your room??? Is that bottom shelf liquor or likker? I'm trying to convince my dad to take me to see Sid the kid play hockey. Still workin on that.
You COULD find a dinner companion. I mean it is DC. You could find a stripper, or a b-girl standin on the block. The stripper might even pay, albeit all in ones. You're just picky, understandably so. You can't really blame the other person for her psychoses if you pick her off the street.
The b-girls wouldn't want me. Been there, done that. I'm not 'hood' enough. I accept this.
The strippers aren't gonna pay, I know this too. Even though they tend to have more money than I do. At all times.
Does LuLu's serve bottom shelf? Probably. I can't tell though. because they mix it well. Great atmosphere though.
I'm feelin u on the date tip. I've been down here about four months and I've been on five. First three were with a crazy girl who smoked blacks and had a wild past (that I believe she's still actively enjoying). The others were sensible, but lacked the "level" I want my chick to be on.
They're out there. It's just that the higher we go in life, the higher we want our women. You'll never date a 23-year-old with three kids who got her GED, right?
Exactly.
I would say you're smart, funny, and sexy, and no, I'm not just being nice! :-) You still owe me a trip to the MCI Center in the name of helping me become unclueless in case I somehow end up an NHL beat writer (God forbid. I'll cover NASCAR first).
You'll date when you find time. Jeez, I hope you don't turn out to be one of those lawyers with no life.
P.S.- If you took me to Clyde's, I would share my plate with you. ;-)
Grey Goose....is that, a rum?
not a 7-11? how bout a 24 hour drive thru? i like random movies at random times...and hockey...never been ...would love to go as long as you fought the goalie for the puck
Hope things have improved for you...LOL
It's cold outside...you'll be needing an organic body warmer soon...:-)
Nice blogging...
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